I'm very impatient about the passing of time between now and December 7th. Spending a week with my friends and family is giving me something positive to focus on.

Anticip ... ... ... ... ... ... ation.

The cold months make me want to hibernate. It's the time of slow music and hiding under blankets and taking the train instead of walking. It's buying the workout DVD and letting it sit on the coffee table so I can see it out of the corner of my eye while I eat a spoonful of chocolate frosting. It's procrastinating taking a shower for a couple of days because freezing after I step out of the steam is just not worth it. It's hating nights because cats and blankets just aren't as warm and comforting as the arms of the boy who loves me but is a couple thousand miles away.

Home upgrade: A girl is really interested in subleasing my apartment, so it's entirely possible that next month I'll be moving into Brandon and Dieneke's garage studio after all! It's really exciting because it's going to save me a bunch of money AND it's way way way bigger.

Work upgrade: The two interviews I had with Netflix went extremely well, and I feel rather confident about it. Fingers crossed!

Heart upgrade: The boy who texted me on Halloween to confess his feelings for me? It was my childhood friend/recently-rediscovered friend Luke. Because we grew up together, it's strange to make this transition, but getting pretty nice. He's persistent as all fuck, which is awfully flattering, and being very very sweet which only endears him to me more. In one quite long rambling email he even alluded to moving to Portland "if necessary". Hard not to take him seriously after something like that. If you know Luke at all, you know that his music and his bands are extremely important to him, so even just vaguely suggesting that he may be willing to leave that to be with me is somewhat ground-moving. Right now I don't even want to think about those kinds of things; I'm just focusing on the warm feeling I get when he calls me, or the cute pictures he sends me every day. We already tackled two big obstacles--what would Calvin (Luke's best friend and my rather protective older cousin) say? (Calvin's response to Luke was "Don't give me any fuckin' details and don't pull a Zichterman and I'm okay with it.") and what would my family say? (because he's always been regarded as practically family to us and because they know about his past drug problems, etc. My mom's official response when I told her, however, was "Awwwwwwwww.") So I think I'm ready for it. Bring it on.

I had a phone interview this morning with NetFlix, for a customer service job. I've heard that they're a pretty bitchin company to work for because they're really laid back and they pay excellently. Their benefits are amazing: "Excellent medical, dental and vision insurance available from date of hire; A matching 401K after first 30 days; Company paid life insurance, short and long term disability insurance; Direct Deposit; Employee Assistance Program; Free Netflix subscription!" Also, the company would be paying 85% of the premiums for the medical and dental insurance, so my paycheck won't even feel it much. They're also really great about sick days (which I hopefully won't have to take) and vacation time. Also, I would start out at $13/hour. That's mind-boggling.

The interview went really well so they're having me come in tomorrow morning for a follow-up. I'm really stoked, I want this very much.

THE ONLY DOWNSIDE: if I get scheduled a shift where I would have to get there really early, the public transit isn't running yet. So not having a car totally blows. However, with that much of a pay increase I could afford to save up for a vehicle, or at least a moped or something in the meantime. OR if I feel it's really pressing, go to one of those "omg no credit bad credit let's finance you anyway lolz" places and get a car. But I'd really rather not. We'll just have to see how the scheduling plays out and if I can get away with staying car-free for a while. Because not dealing with parking and traffic in the city is pretty nice.

My date for Halloween, the boy I'd been kind-of-sort-of seeing lately, completely flaked out on me last night. No returned texts or calls at all since... Two and a half days ago. So I ended up having a night in with Brandon and Dieneke instead, which was nice. We ate homemade potato soup and watched "Night of the Living Dead". But still. Stung being stood up. I went to bed confused and upset, only to be awoken a couple hours later by my phone buzzing. Thinking it was Rusty texting to explain, I checked it--not Rusty. Instead, it was someone quite unexpected.

A boy from back home in Grand Rapids whom I've known since we were both small children. He texted me out of nowhere to get off his chest that he's crazy about me, but didn't realize it until the night of my going away/birthday party. Very random. Very surprising. I've had a crush on this guy since like the fourth grade, but never expected any reciprocation.

Apparently I just needed to hold my breath for fifteen years and then move cross-continent so it would be practically impossible to ever actually be with him, or even just entertain the idea of being with him. Then like magic, he'd realize he cares about me, but too late.

Thanks, universe. Thanks a lot.

I give up, throw in the towel, whatever. My life is doomed to be a continuous romantic dramady no matter what I do. There could at least be zombies or something. Christ.

After I explained to her that my cupcake tattoo was mostly because I love baking so much, my mom sent me the following text message:

"You can bake something for me!
Nom nom nom!
LOL"

Omfg cutest mom ever.

Last week felt like a drawn-out farewell. A door slowly closing. The opposite of what I was expecting. Making peace with things being over and moving on.

Now things are quiet and solitary again. I used the money I made house/dog-sitting for my friends to buy this futon from Ikea last night, and spent the afternoon today putting it together. Next to the DIY bookshelf from Goodwill and the bare cement-block walls, it gives the apartment a very jail-cell-like feeling. Very sparse, very Spartan. The only thing I have up on the walls at all here is an unframed (because the frame and glass broke in transit) photograph of Wealthy Street at sunset that Jon Clay took and gave me as a farewell gift.

I need some curtains and art or something. Make this place feel like a home and not a cell.

The sun rose and set already and I've not left the house today, and I feel lazy from not working out while Zach was visiting last week. But I have an unopened bottle of red wine and a fresh new molskine that need breaking in.

Choices, choices.

I've been house/dog-sitting for my friend and his wife this weekend while they're out of town. He and I were tight like spandex back in middle school and high school, so it's neat that he and his wife live in Portland now. It's been really strange though--their life is completely opposite from mine, and staying in their home is surreal. It's a 2-story townhouse in a nice area of the city filled with nice things. There are jars for the oats and the flour on the kitchen counter, and knicknacks on the bathroom counter. I don't even have counters. I don't know. Coming home after spending time over there is majorly depressing. They're married, crazy in love adults with great careers they're excited about (architect, electrical/mechanical engineer) and a beautiful home and great dog.

Anyway. I finally bought a real bookshelf and a small microwave from Goodwill last night. Eventually my apartment will look like someone lives here, not just a squat.

While Zach was visiting he mentioned that my old roommates Alison and Katie wouldn't return my little brother's "Flight of the Conchords" dvd set because they're upset with me because they think I owe them money (because I didn't get TacoCat spayed before I left). So today, to straighten things out, I went after work to buy a nice card and inside wrote a note explaining that I'd lent Ditmar's girlfriend $150 just before I left so that she could take my old room, and she was meant to pay to get Taco fixed instead of paying me back--which actually, depending on the vet's office, would put her like $50 ahead, but I didn't mention that part. From the soudnd of it, they seem to have quite conveniently forgotten that I lent that $150 at all. Then I wrote my little brother's address down and included eight stamps and instructions to get a manila envelope from Meijer and send him his dvds.

I was very polite in the note, but honestly, I'm really bothered by it. Passive-agressive bitchiness is one things about GR that I certainly don't miss living with, for sure. If they were upset with me or there was a problem with money, they should have just ... you know ... SAID SO. Directly and at the time of the problem. Like adults. Not "Well Zach said that Trevor said that Alison and Kaite blahblahblah..." two months later. LIFE IS NOT A GAME OF TELEPHONE. What the hell, people? How old are we now?

As he rolled past me on his skateboard, the boy asked, "Excuse me miss, could you possibly spare a smile?" I couldn't help obliging him.

While running around thrifting with Zach the other day, I decided that I want to be House for Halloween. I quickly made a list of the things I'd need to get: men's blazer, men's button-down shirt, wooden cane, orange pill bottle, something to make my hair grey.

Here's hoping I've come out of my shell enough by Halloween that it's worth getting dressed up for.

One of the cats was batting around a chunk from the litter box earlier. Super gross. To make my apartment nice and fresh, I changed their box (which I do daily, but it's two growing kittens, sooo...) and started grinding some of the dried lavender I still have with the intention of getting a fine powder to sprinkle onto the carpet before I vacuum. Alas, my stone mortar and pestle is really not as handy as it should be--the pestle is fitted to be the exact same size as the bowl so I haven't got as much range of motion as I need to get it powdery. Very lame. Usually my needs are more in the cooking department so the issue's never come up before. Super disappointed.

The lavender smells really nice though, once crushed. So I might carry on with the plan anyhow.