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Jan. 16th, 2010 | 11:45 am

Despite knowing I'm on track to better things and despite how well David treats me and how happy he makes me, I can't shake this feeling of distress and worthlessness regarding Luke. I still cannot understand how I could go from being so loved to being nothing like that. I put so much into that relationship (short lived as it was) and feel so cheated and betrayed and worthless.

After work Shannon (his roommate/bff) sent a message asking what was going on, and said no matter what she was there for me. I explained and totally broke down in frustrated tears right there on the street. When I got home I packed everything he gave me into a box and shipped it back to him. That helped.

I'm seeing David tonight and I think that will help too. He makes all of my self doubt and fear of worthlessness melt away because he seems to accept and fancy me exactly as I am. I deserve that, right?

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Comments {12}

Sara Theresa Strey

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from: starrbear
date: Jan. 17th, 2010 07:28 pm (UTC)
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I feel like I might have some insight for you that may be harsh in type. Would you like me to send you a message on facebook?

I still love you and want the best for you but we haven't talked regularly in a long time and you just might not want to hear from me.

<3 you.

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mighty-mighty-mighty

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from: hilaryann
date: Jan. 17th, 2010 08:14 pm (UTC)
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You can post it here of you want, but if you're more comfortable using a fb message.

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Sara Theresa Strey

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from: starrbear
date: Jan. 17th, 2010 09:03 pm (UTC)
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I'm worried that maybe you need some more time to get over Luke or that situation. It seems from this viewpoint (reading your LJ's) that you're letting men tell you your self worth. Maybe while that guy or person is around you feel like you do have worth and when it doesn't work out you don't anymore (just a theory).

You more than deserve someone to love you for who you are! You need to know that, though. You need to love yourself without someone else telling you to. It's all well and good that I tell you that you're great and you need to know you're great. As far as learning that goes I can't tell you exactly how to do that. I know there are tips and techniques - some insane, some workable.

I love you and I know that you have a bunch of other people that love you.

Love,
Sara

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mighty-mighty-mighty

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from: hilaryann
date: Jan. 18th, 2010 03:25 pm (UTC)
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I agree with you about letting men assign me my self-worth, that's actually one of the main issues I've been trying to work on these days. It's something that I've struggled with since I was really young, and I've tried approaching the subject a variety of ways over the past few years. Lately I've been having a pretty rough time at it, though, obviously.

The way I see it at present, if I'm in a healthy relationship with someone who respects me, it's easier for me to build my self-worth via my own efforts and outside accomplishments, because I wouldn't be so distracted and dragged down by the trappings of an unhealthy relationship. In the past, it was in that situation that I made the most headway on this and other issues.

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Sara Theresa Strey

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from: starrbear
date: Jan. 18th, 2010 03:52 pm (UTC)
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I'm glad you're doing better now! You truly are an amazing woman and any steps you take to truly realizing that I applaud. Looks like you've got a great outlook!

Sorry to bother you!
<3

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mighty-mighty-mighty

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from: hilaryann
date: Jan. 18th, 2010 07:09 pm (UTC)
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Oh it's no bother! I mean you -were- right that it's an issue! It's just one that I've been trying to work on :)

<3 you~!

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Sara Theresa Strey

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from: starrbear
date: Jan. 19th, 2010 01:41 am (UTC)
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I'm glad! <3 you too! I want to move to Seattle after grad school...maybe we'll hook up when we aren't so far away!

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mighty-mighty-mighty

(no subject)

from: hilaryann
date: Jan. 19th, 2010 01:51 pm (UTC)
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That would be mighty fine!

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.

(no subject)

from: miss_almost
date: Jan. 17th, 2010 11:07 pm (UTC)
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you deserve a guy who lets you be yourself, and doesnt give you unrealistic expectations and put everything so high that it would be impossible for anyone to live up to.

i understand the feeling of being undercut in a relationship - guys who just pull the rug out from under you and youre left wondering "how did that happen? how can you go from love, etc. to absolutely nothing in a matter of minutes?"
i understand feeling cheated. but youre not worthless, and you know that. its hard to remember sometimes, but you can do it.
take care.

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mighty-mighty-mighty

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from: hilaryann
date: Jan. 18th, 2010 03:25 pm (UTC)
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Thank you <3

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The Evening Star

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from: dave_the_wave
date: Jan. 19th, 2010 06:47 am (UTC)
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hope everything feels a little better each day

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mighty-mighty-mighty

(no subject)

from: hilaryann
date: Jan. 19th, 2010 01:51 pm (UTC)
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Oh it has been. Exponentially.

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