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Jan. 16th, 2010 | 11:45 am

Despite knowing I'm on track to better things and despite how well David treats me and how happy he makes me, I can't shake this feeling of distress and worthlessness regarding Luke. I still cannot understand how I could go from being so loved to being nothing like that. I put so much into that relationship (short lived as it was) and feel so cheated and betrayed and worthless.

After work Shannon (his roommate/bff) sent a message asking what was going on, and said no matter what she was there for me. I explained and totally broke down in frustrated tears right there on the street. When I got home I packed everything he gave me into a box and shipped it back to him. That helped.

I'm seeing David tonight and I think that will help too. He makes all of my self doubt and fear of worthlessness melt away because he seems to accept and fancy me exactly as I am. I deserve that, right?

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Comments {12}

mighty-mighty-mighty

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from: hilaryann
date: Jan. 18th, 2010 03:25 pm (UTC)
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I agree with you about letting men assign me my self-worth, that's actually one of the main issues I've been trying to work on these days. It's something that I've struggled with since I was really young, and I've tried approaching the subject a variety of ways over the past few years. Lately I've been having a pretty rough time at it, though, obviously.

The way I see it at present, if I'm in a healthy relationship with someone who respects me, it's easier for me to build my self-worth via my own efforts and outside accomplishments, because I wouldn't be so distracted and dragged down by the trappings of an unhealthy relationship. In the past, it was in that situation that I made the most headway on this and other issues.

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Sara Theresa Strey

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from: starrbear
date: Jan. 18th, 2010 03:52 pm (UTC)
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I'm glad you're doing better now! You truly are an amazing woman and any steps you take to truly realizing that I applaud. Looks like you've got a great outlook!

Sorry to bother you!
<3

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mighty-mighty-mighty

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from: hilaryann
date: Jan. 18th, 2010 07:09 pm (UTC)
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Oh it's no bother! I mean you -were- right that it's an issue! It's just one that I've been trying to work on :)

<3 you~!

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Sara Theresa Strey

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from: starrbear
date: Jan. 19th, 2010 01:41 am (UTC)
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I'm glad! <3 you too! I want to move to Seattle after grad school...maybe we'll hook up when we aren't so far away!

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mighty-mighty-mighty

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from: hilaryann
date: Jan. 19th, 2010 01:51 pm (UTC)
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That would be mighty fine!

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